The Long And Winding Road to Recovery

 Day 4 in Hospital. 

Breakfast was 2 poached eggs on toast, which would have remained intact if Martina Navratilova had slammed them over the net at Wimbledon. I ate the fruit. I still hadn’t ‘moved my bowels’, and I don’t think those eggs would have helped. 

I had been given Senna tablets, and some disgusting syrup that was so full of sugar I could feel the cavities forming in my teeth. I had drunk loads of water and orange juice and tried to move around as much as possible. There had been a couple of ‘false alarms’; which brought to mind that very rude puerile ditty which starts: ‘Here I sit broken hearted...’

I was well enough to go home this morning, and I didn’t want to endure that long journey down the Kintyre peninsula with a time bomb ticking away in my colon! It’s not like there are many places to stop en-route. But around 10am, a miracle occurred, and I found myself singing the “Hallelujah” chorus. What a relief!

The nurse came in to discuss my discharge.

“I’ve had a poo!” I beamed.

She laughed “I bet you never thought you’d be excited about that!”

“I sang Hallelujah in the bathroom” I exclaimed proudly.

She giggled, shoulders shaking as she filled in the form. “Once you’re ready and your lift arrives, you’ll be taken downstairs in a wheelchair, pick up your drugs from the pharmacy and then shown how to get in and out of the car. Make sure you stop regularly on your way home, and you should be ok.”

“Thank you for everything, everyone has been amazing.” 

“You’re welcome”. 

Roy had set off, and periodically I received little text messages from him. ‘At Ardrisaig’, ‘At the Rest and Be thankful’ ‘Will be there for 12.30’ I couldn’t wait to see him. I did feel a lot better.

I’d had my shower, washed my hair and put some makeup on. Never had I gone so long without makeup. I don’t even hang the washing out without lipstick normally!

Mr D popped in to say goodbye:

“You look 100% better today.’

“Thank you, I do feel much better. Looking forward to my own bed.”

“You will heal much better once you are home. But you are going to have to work hard. You have a lovely new hip now, and you will need to do your exercises religiously and build up your walking. I’ll see you again in 6 weeks. Don’t forget to stop every 45 minutes on the way home, that way you won’t stiffen up.”

“Thank you very much for everything.” I said: “I have been very well looked after, everyone is brilliant here.”

“Thank you, I like to think we have a good team. Safe journey - and don’t forget, work hard”

He waved as he left. Ordinarily I suppose we should have shaken hands, but Covid had put a stop to all that. 

We were lucky to have a glorious day for our journey. We stopped at our usual “Pit stops”. I was grateful that Roy had packed a picnic and sat at a picnic table in the sunshine while he walked our 2 Fox Terriers. 

Life was good. I couldn’t wait to start going for long walks again. The sun warmed my skin, and the codeine stopped my hip from grumbling.

A few hours later we were home. Roy had carried the high backed wing chair into the lounge and put a table and footstool nearby for me. Everywhere was clean and tidy. It was so good to be home. 

I slept incredibly well, and the following morning started my “Bed gym” routine.

I had my rolled up towel, my slidy mat, my Pilates ball and my stretch band. I realised that my “good” hip would need strengthened as well as my right hip, so although I did the gentle exercises on my new hip as I’d been told, I also did some stronger exercises on my other hip. In addition, I did some upper body work while I was lying down, based on some of the exercises I had been doing at my Pilates classes. 

It was slow going at first, especially the first few days, but each day I have achieved a small improvement. 

Getting in and out of the shower was tricky. I needed Roy’s assistance with everything at first. Right down to drying my lower legs, and putting my knickers, socks and shoes on. I have a stool (mentioned earlier) that I sat on to clean my teeth. I then stood using my crutches, and Roy would put the stool in the shower for me to sit on. He had installed suction hand grips in the shower, (just for balance!) but for the first few days I sat down on the stool. 

You will need to gently teach your carer (partner, husband, whatever) how to help you get washed and dressed. 

Things to remember:

• You must not “cross” the central line of your body by twisting.
• Your legs MUST be kept at hip width and parallel 
• The angle between your hip and thigh must be kept at greater than 90 degrees, and your hips must be higher than your knees.
• You cannot pick anything up off the floor. Get a grabber and a megaphone just in case your carer is out of earshot and you have dropped something important (like your phone or the gin bottle).
• You must not reach further than your knees 
• Make sure when you are sitting down or moving to stand that you hold onto a solid immovable object.
• Hold your crutches together in an H shape in one hand, and your other hand holds the chair or the bed.
• Armpit Danger: It’s important that you don’t let your armpits rest on the crutches, even when you’re resting. Allowing your weight to rest on your armpits can cause serious damage to the nerves and muscles under your arms.
• Here’s a useful link to using crutches: 

https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-to-use-crutches-2549326

• Elf and safety! - Remove ALL trip hazards. Including loose mats and anything at all that could potentially trip you up.
• In the bathroom, when stepping in and out of the shower, ensure there is no water on the floor. A sliding crutch on a wet floor could spell a rapid return to hospital!
• Have high seats or stools in strategic places to prevent you from standing too long. 
• DO AS YOU ARE TOLD - your Dr and Physio know what they are talking about. 
• Have a Nana / Granda nap when you need to. You have had MAJOR surgery, you will feel absolutely wiped out. When you do, lie down and make sure your feet and legs are supported and higher than your heart.
• Don’t sit too long in one place. Your ankles will swell up. Alarmingly so. 
• Have water in a bottle, and a hot drink in a flask if you are going to be on your own for a while. You won’t be able to carry a hot cup of coffee while using crutches.