Day 0 - 2 Pre operation and getting your stuff together

 My Pre-op was on the 8th April in Glasgow, and my op was on the 12th, so 3 round trips to Glasgow in the space of a week - that’s a lot of driving! I could have done some of it, but Roy insisted he was fine, so that was that!

The Physiotherapist had rung a few days earlier. I wasn’t around so Roy had to answer the phone. When I got back he was keen to tell me he was in the process of placing an order to Amazon for a raised toilet seat, among other things.

“The physio asked me how tall you are, I said 5’10”. They need to know so you get the right height for the toilet seat!” He grinned, toilet humour is alive and well here in Kintyre. But I’m 5’4”

“If I’m 5’10” how tall are you?”

“Oh, I dunno, how tall am I?” He was looking puzzled now. 

“You are 5’10”, you twit! I’m 5’4”

He looked crestfallen, “I was just about to place the order, you’d better check it. You need a grabber and a long handled shoe horn because you’re not supposed to bend over.” He handed me his tablet and I checked the toilet seat height, changed it and clicked the ‘Buy Now’ button. 

So, you will be on crutches. 

You will not pick anything up off the floor or your new hip will dislocate! Which means:

You will not be able to put your knickers, trousers, socks and shoes on.

You will not be able to reach for anything higher than shoulder height or lower than hip height.

You should not cross your legs (You guessed it, your hip will dislocate)

You will not lie on your side, nor reach over your midline for anything. 

Hence the grabber. The long shoe horn and the raised toilet seat. At no point are you told how to wipe your bum! (Which involves twisting, reaching and potentially crossing your midline) But more on this later.

List for hospital and afterwards

1. Loose fitting nightwear and a dressing gown. Mine was too long, so a trip hazard! Just saying. 
2. Phone / tablet / book (I used the kindle on my iPad and a funky stand like the one used in zoom calls! Get one, you will be glad you did)
3. Headphones or ear plugs to block out the noise of clanging, rumbling trollies while you are trying to sleep.
4. Loose clothes for journey home. (VERY loose)
5. Toiletries. I took makeup too, and a mirror, cos I don’t even hang the washing out without my lipstick on, and these were to be the first human beings to see my face in over 5 months, so I didn’t want to frighten them!
6. TAKE YOUR OWN SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER. I didn’t and my hair was like straw as a result of using the crappy “free” shampoo. It’s ok for washing your lala with, but don’t put it anywhere near your precious locks!
7. A comb. 
8. Supportive shoes. You won’t be able to put trainers on, probably not for weeks actually. the market for slippers is limited to sexy slide in ones that you would break your neck in, or “Granny Slippers”  I got some Mahabis, expensive, but warm, cos they re made from wool, they have a rubber non slip soul and a neoprene heel grip so they don’t slip off. (I LURVE them.) 
   
   
   
9. Your usual medication plus any supplements you take.
10. Long handled gripper for home. (My friend Leone assures me that you can’t use this for bottles of Martini; she tried.)
11. Long handled shoe horn for home
12. Raised toilet seat. I got a 4” on because I’m NOT 5’10”
13. A crutch caddy for carrying “bits” around with you - see illustrations below (small enough for a hip flask, not big enough for a bottle of gin.)
14. An adjustable stool for sitting in the shower (I have 2, one for the bathroom and one for supervising kitchen activities)
15. A slidy mat - any slidy fabric will do, or you can pay a fiver for one at the hospital. This is for when you do your physio.
16. You will be given or will have to buy crutches. Might be worth getting them in advance so you can practice with them.   
17. A lap table, essentially a tray with a bean bag underneath. Mine has a light and a hole for my gin and tonic glass.  It’s useful for crafting, balancing your meals on and in my case my iPad.
18. Something to hold those crutches in place, this reduces swearing and the need to keep calling your carer cos you dropped the bloody things on the floor again!

I bought some really nice nighties, cos normally I don’t wear one. (Ooh missus). The main problem you have is lifting your bum up to pull them down when you can’t actually lift your bum up! 

Wanna shopping list? Here you go - most are on Amazon but other retailers are available.